Assessments and feedback certainly arouse emotions. How to talk with people about mistakes in order to motivate them and not to bring them down?
Feedback can arouse emotions only when we allow for it. When we concentrate on facts and information collected at the preparation stage to the conversation, we minimize the risk of negative emotions. Our goal is not to motivate but to lead to such situation when the recipient of our feedback draws conclusions by themselves and directs their behaviors in such a way to achieve the assumed goal. It is all about negative emotions… When it comes to positive emotions – there are never to many of them.
Can a praise be wrongly formulated?
Generally speaking, I am an opponent of praises. And yes, I did not make a slip of the tongue. Why? The answer is simple: much more desired procedure are words of recognition. When we praise someone, it is the human who is assessed in the first place – and, as a rule, we do not like to be assessed. The information is general and does not cause the sense of authenticity whereas the assessor puts themselves higher than the assessed. In effect, the praise comes from top to bottom.
The words of recognition are completely different as work and achievements of a concrete person are assessed in this case. We like to hear that we are good at doing something. What is more, the reference to concrete actions is also important, for it builds a belief that information is honest. Words of recognition are also partnership – we do not create an impression that we look down on the assessed.
I have one more question from quite a different perspective: How to deal with receiving feedback from somebody?
I would like to answer this question half-jokingly and half-seriously: as fast as possible. All is brought to our openness to growth. The key to success is understanding of the fact that feedback is aimed at eliminating undesired behaviors or strengthening and encouraging to repeat our good practices. If I have well-communicated intentions and I identify the sense and the need of change or improve my behavior, I will not have a problem with receiving feedback and I will accept it as the greatest value.